The Olympians Attend Group Therapy
by Liberated Marionette
Summary: I can't be! But it is... Zeus is officially done with his immortal family's bickering. He finds help... Help in the form of an annoying lady with a PhD that charges 300 dollars an hour... Hilarity will ensue! Currently: Demeter vs Hades
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Hi, I'm Rick Riordan. Y'know, the author of the Percy Jackson series? I own it. Oh, wait- I'm not Rick Riordan, and I don't own PJO. Oops.

A/N: Wow, I've already got three stories out? Woah. Considering that I haven't written fanfiction in, like, a year, you'd think my creative streak would be a lot crappier than this. Anyway, I hope you guys like this.

The Olympians Attend Group Therapy

The annual Summer Solstice meeting wasn't going well. Well, no one's started a "Let's Spill Zeus's Ichor" contest yet, which _never_ ended nicely, but that's really the only thing they weren't doing. The Olympians were currently bickering their guts out, so to speak. Zeus clutched his head in agony. Meetings with his immortal family always brought about a nasty migraine. Enough was enough, he decided. Looking at his family from his throne, he couldn't be more angered. Hera was currently in a catfight with Aphrodite ("Hera, where's my curling iron?" "I don't know!" "You took it, didn't you?" "Aphrodite, SHUT UP!" "Oh, this is Troy all over again, isn't it!"), Artemis was fighting with Apollo about her Hunters ("Stop hitting on them!" "I can't help that you pick hot Hunters, okay!"), Poseidon and Athena were being, well, Poseidon and Athena ("You're just angry because MY son saved the world!" "My daughter helped, you idiot! _You're_ just angry because my daughter's smarter than you, your son, and your entire kingdom put together! She's much more perspicacious than anyone except myself!" "... Perspicacious?"), Demeter was scolding Hades ( "You don't deserve my daughter!" "My wife doesn't deserve _you_!" "And that demigod son of yours is the most annoying thing in the world. I made him cereal this morning. You know what he did, Hades? He said 'No, thanks.' _He turned down cereal!_" "Demeter..."), Ares and Hephaestus were arguing over (what else?) Aphrodite...

And just as Zeus began to listen in on _that_ age-old conflict, a brilliant idea popped into his head. A terrible, brilliant, _awful_ idea...

"I've had enough!" he exclaimed, rising from his throne as lighting cracked around him. "We, the gods, are going to learn to behave!"

"Wait... What?" Hermes said.

"You heard me, son. This has gone on for far too long, wouldn't you say? All this arguing... Is it truly necessary?"

"Yes," muttered Dionysus.

"There's only one true solution for this problem, only one... But can we pull it off?"

"Cease the drama, brother," Poseidon groaned. "What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about... Group therapy."

...

"Well, this is the place," Hera said. "Zeus, dear, is this truly necessary? I had this big party planned. I was going to turn all your mortal girlfriends into eagles and then incinerate them! I sent you the invitation, remember?"

"Hera...," Zeus said.

"Father, shall we go in?" asked an incredibly bored Athena.

"Yes, daughter, we shall."

And with that, the Olympians entered through the expensive-looking glass door.

After walking in, the Olympians were greeted by a nice-looking waiting room. Zeus went up to sign all the gods in while the remaining deities picked up a magazine or two and began to read... Except for Apollo, who was playing with the plastic childrens' toys in the corner.

"Apollo!" exclaimed Artemis. "You are such an embarrasment!"

"Do I annoy you, sis?"

"Yes, and _quit calling me sis_!"

"You see why we're here?" Zeus said to Artemis after prying her away from Apollo. "There's too much negative energy here. How are we supposed to run the world if we can't even stop arguing?"

"Well, we've been doing just fine for a good five thousand years... Father, are you on any new medication I should know about?" asked Artemis.

"Nope. But I've been reading these truly wonderful pamphlets about finding your mojo and being one with the world. And in order to do so, us gods have to stop arguing."

"What idiot wrote _that_ crap?" Aphrodite exclaimed, looking up from her nail file.

"I did," a therapist said.

"Wait, how long have you been here, punk?" asked Ares.

"I've just been observing you for a few minutes. It's always a good idea to test the atmosphere. Hello, by the way. Which one of you is Mr. Zeus?"

"I am," Zeus said.

"Well, ladies and gentlemen, your room is the third door to the right. I'll be there to talk with you all in a few minutes."

"Stupid mortal," Hades muttered so no one could hear.

The gods rose from their chairs and shuffled into their assigned room. Everyone was just about ready for the horrors they were about to endure.

"Wait, where's Apollo?" asked Hephaestus.

"I think he's still in the corner," muttered Dionysus. "So immature."

"I'll go get him," Artemis groaned.

Two minutes later, Artemis returned with a pouty-looking Apollo. "Sorry it took me so long," Artemis said. "I couldn't pry him away from the toy race cars."

"Hey, one of them looked like my sun chariot! I was writing a haiku about it!" Apollo said. "You wanna hear it?"

"NO!" shouted every Olympian in the room at the same time.

"Well, here goes-

_That race car was cool._

_It looked like my chariot._

_I am fantastic."_

At this moment, the therapist walked into the room (Good timing as well, for the gods were about to break Apollo's heart with their criticism). "Hello, everyone. My name is Dr. Brown. Mr. Zeus has written out a list of problems he thinks must be solved. How about this- let's all introduce ourselves, and for our first session, we'll work on the first problem. Okay?"

"Okay," the Olympians said.

The gods then introduced themselves, saying their name and a few things they thought the therapist ought to know. Ares kindly mentioned that he liked beating the crap out of people.

"Well, Ares," Dr. Brown began, "That's not a good way to channel negative energy. But thank you for admitting you problem."

"Hey, who are you callin'-"

"ARES, SHUT UP!" yelled Demeter.

"Anyway," Dr. Brown said, trying to quickly change the subject, "Your names are all very interesting. After the Greek gods, right?"

"Er... Yeah," Hermes said.

"Are they your real names? It just seems to weird that every person here is named after a Greek-"

"She's on to us!" yelled Apollo. He then zapped Dr. Brown, knocking her unconscious.

"APOLLO!" yelled Zeus. "I was about to tell her they were stage names! Now we have to wait for her to wake up... She's only asleep, right?"

_To be continued..._


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I noticed I misspelled "embarrassment" in the last chapter (Such an embarrassment...). It was a typo that will be fixed when I get around to it. The point is, Rick Riordan never would've been ditzy enough to overlook that.

A/N: HOLY FRIGGIN' CRAP! That's an awful lot of reviews. Thank you, thank you, thank you for all the support (Oh, and thank you.). I feel like I've won an Oscar. I feel like I've won a Grammy. I feel like I've won a Golden Globe (I don't own any of those, either). Heck, I feel like I've won all three. With that in mind, I should probably compose a speech. Later, though. The introduction of sorts is gone now, and newly-awake Dr. Brown is now gonna start workin' some magic (Or not...) If you want to leave suggestions, be welcome.

I've got a poll up on my profile regarding which conflict you'd like to read about next. Take a vote, if you'd like. And now, on with the story!

The Olympians Attend Group Therapy

Chapter Two

"Hey, guys! She's almost awake!" Poseidon called, pouring cold salt water all over poor Dr. Brown's face. The Olympians gave a sigh of relief.

"Darn it! I didn't kill her," muttered Apollo.

"What should we tell her when she wakes up?" asked Ares.

"We'll tell her that she passed out," replied Athena as if she was speaking to a three-year-old.

"Will you stop doing that?" Ares growled.

"So?" Hera said. "People don't just pass out, even stupid mortals."

"We'll tell her she fainted at our awesome-ness," Apollo said as if this was the greatest idea ever. "I'm so cool!"

"..._Yeah_," said Hephaestus.

"Wha... What happened?" asked a bewildered and now-awake Dr. Brown.

"You fainted at our awesome-" Apollo began, but was quickly but short by Ares punching him in the nose.

"...You fainted," Demeter said simply. "Would you like me to get you some water?"

"Sure."

"And some cereal?"

"Uh.. okay."

Demeter quickly returned with a cool glass of water and a bowl of Cheerios for Dr. Brown.

"So," Hephaestus said in the awkward silence. "Shall we continue the session?"

Some time later, the Olympians and Dr. Brown were seated back in their room. "Mr. Zeus has told me a lot about your family," Dr. Brown began. "Is it true that you're all part of a circus troupe, and that your stage names pertain to the Greek gods?"

"Uh... yeah," said Dionysus.

"If that's true, would you like me to call you by your real names?"

"Nope, our stage names are just fine," said Zeus.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Really sure?"

"_Yes_."

"Really, really sure?"

"By the gods, woman!" exclaimed Zeus. "You're really annoying, aren't you? We'd like to be called by our stage names!"

"Okay! Geez... Anyway, there's a lot of bad blood between you all. But to clear away the big picture, we have to chip off the smaller pieces first. When we're done with htat, we'll have a big session to help completely patch everything and everyone up. So, there's a lot of inner conflicts going on, as Mr. Zeus tells me. Some of them are worse than others. Which one should we start with, hmm? We'll start with the feud that's been going on for ages between Zeus, Poseidon, and Hades. Anyone that the feud doesn't pertain to may add their commentary, but please don't be disruptive."

Dr. Brown pointedly stared at Apollo, who was currently pulling Artemis's hair.

"...Sorry," Apollo finally said after some time, putting an arm around his sister and ruffling her hair instead. Artemis glared at him.

"So, Mr. Zeus, when do you think this feud started?" asked Dr. Brown.

"Well," Zeus replied, "when we won the war against the Titans-"

"Sorry?" Dr. Brown said.

"I mean... when we started our circus, the three of us all drew lots to see who would be the ringmaster. I got the ringmaster, while Poseidon and Hades became buffoons."

"_Buffoons_?" Poseidon and Hades cried in unison.

"Yes, _buffoons_. Then-"

"Hey, why does Zeus get to do all the talking?" Poseidon exclaimed.

"You may add your side of the story after Mr. Zeus is done, Mr. Poseidon."

"_Like I was saying_, then they got really jealous," Zeus said.

"So there's envy here," Dr. Brown muttered, writing some notes on a clipboard.

"Hey, are you drawing a picture of me, Dr. Brown? I can pose if you'd like." Ares rose out of his chair and flexed his muscles.

"Sit down, Mr. Ares," Dr. Brown said without looking up.

"Oh, so you want to do a sitting portrait? Fine with me," Ares said.

"The jealousy lead to a lot of arguing," Zeus continued. "We always argue about who mother likes best- me, by the way- and that led to a lot of other problems too. Then, my circus troupe- particuarly Mr. Poseidon over there- started thinking I was a bad ringmaster, so they captured me and wouldn't let me out until I promised to do better. Completely unfair, in my opinion."

"Do you have anything to add, Mr. Poseidon? Mr. Had-"

"I wasn't finished yet, lady!" Zeus exclaimed. "Then, my master bolt- I mean my, uh, _ring_ - gets stolen, right? Poseidon's basically the only one that could've done it."

"Why do you think he did it, Mr. Zeus? Do you have any proof?"

"I was positive his son, Percy, took it. All the clues led to that little brat."

"Don't call me son a brat!" Poseidon yelled, rattling the walls.

"OKAY! So I'm sure Percy took it... and Poseidon has the nerve to call me a liar! So we fight for months and months and months, and the kid finally brings it back to me. It turns out that he didn't take it after all, and went to the trouble of getting it from the guy that took it from me."

"Who did take it, Mr. Zeus?"

"Ares... but someone else made _him_ take it... It's really complicated, okay?"

Dr. Brown spooned Cheerios into her mouth. "It seems to be. I think I see the problem here."

"What is it?" the three brothers asked.

"You're too jealous of each other, and this leads to fabricated plots and schemes that really don't exist. For example, Zeus, you never would've thought Poseidon took your ring if he hadn't... captured you, was it?"

"In a golden net," Poseidon added. "Pretty smart, if I do say so myself."

"Yes... Anyway, you'll never get over your feud if you can't overcome the jealousy first. So, Poseidon and Hades, what are the pluses of being buffoons?" Dr. Brown said.

"There aren't any," Hades muttered.

"Surely not! There must be some good things about it! You get to make people laugh, for one!"

"Yeah...," Poseidon said.

"And the ringmaster would be nothing without buffoons. Doesn't this make you feel better?"

"No," Poseidon, Hades, and Zeus said.

"It will in time, I promise. Rome wasn't built in a day, as they say. You just need to work at it. Maybe, you should visit each other just to say, 'Hey!'. Wouldn't that be nice?"

"You're starting to sound like a Care Bear," Hades said.

Dr. Brown's watch beeped. "Wow, it's time already? How long was I unconscious?"

"A while," Hermes said.

"Well, I'll see you here, in a week's time, for our next session." Dr. Brown finished her Cheerios and went to meet her next patient.

"Well, that was no help at all," Poseidon said. "I'm sorry, Zeus, but a few minutes of some annoying lady talking to us doesn't fix everything we've been through. I don't think there's much of a point to this."

"I don't know," Zeus said. "But like Dr. Brown said, Rome wasn't built in a day. We'll go to the rest of the group sessions and wait and see."

"I feel so much better!" Hades exclaimed, embracing his brothers. "It's pretty cool to be a buffoon after all! I don't tell you this much, guys, but I love you both!"

"Woah!" exclaimed Dionysus. "What the heck happened to Hades?"

"I suppose these ridiculous sessions work after all," Hera said. "Why, I hope she addresses our troubled marriage next!"

"Hey, Dr. Brown!" Ares yelled, chasing after the woman. "Are you done with my picture yet?"

A/N: Sorry that Apollo's getting so much face time. Let's face it, there's no way I'm going to get Athena to play with toy cars.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: Percy Jackson is not owned by yours truly. Therefore, I am not making any money off this. So you can go away now. Leave me alone.

A/N: It's been six and a half months... Seriously, where does time go? I'm really, truly sorry about the wait, guys. I don't have much of an excuse, either, besides that I'm a lazy butt. I promise it won't take NEARLY as long to get the rest out. If you're still reading, you have the greatest patience on planet Earth and probably a few other planets, too. The whole me-not-replying-to-reviews was pretty nasty of me too. I don't think I'll have the time to reply to every review that I've got in the last months, but it won't happen again- every time someone sends me two or three words, I will reply. Special thanks to **ncalkins**- I will incorporate your idea into the story! I know other people have given great ideas too, and I plan on using all of them at some point, but I'll need to do some thinking on where each will go. This chapter's conflict is **Poseidon vs Athena**, as that won the poll. There's a three-way tie between **Hera vs Zeus**, **Apollo vs Artemis**, and **Demeter vs Hades**, so I'll create a poll between those three to see which one you want to read next! Take a vote if you like, hm?

The Olympians Attend Group Therapy

Chapter Three

"Welcome back, Mr. Zeus!" said the chirpy secretary at Dr. Brown's a week later. "Can you please sign in your circus troupe?"

"See, Hera? I told you they'd remember us!" Zeus said to his wife before grabbing a pen and signing the gods in.

"Hmph," said an obviously annoyed Hera. "Zeusy, do we really have to come here? This therapist is lousy!"

"Really? Last week you were praising her abilities, if I recall," Zeus said.

"Well, that was last week. _This week_, however, I'd rather spend my time plotting to boil your mistresses in hot oil- I mean, write the demigods at camp and let them know how much I love them."

"Yeah, sure. Why don't you sit down?"

"Fine."

Hera rolled her eyes, grabbed an old magazine, and went to sit next to Artemis and Poseidon.

Apollo was going to resume his playing with his new favorite toy race car, only to find that a little boy was sitting in the corner as well. Deciding the show off the awesome person he is, Apollo sauntered over to the corner to greet the boy and ask if he wanted to play- only to find that the boy was playing with his race car.

"Excuse me, little boy," Apollo said grandly. "You seem to be playing with my race car."

"So?" the kid replied. "What are you gonna do about it?"

The boy looked no older than five, with curly blond hair and a devilish grin on his face. Apollo tried hard not to laugh. This little boy thought he could outsmart Apollo, the smartest god around! (Or was that Athena...?)

"I'm willing to trade you"- Apollo pulled something out of his pocket- "a quarter. A quarter, and I get to play with the car."

The boy's eyes widened. A quarter!

"Yeah," Apollo said, knowing just how to win over little boys. "How do you like them apples?"

But it seemed the little boy was a little smarter than expected. "Oh, I don't know," the boy said. "This is a pretty cool car. I think you're gonna have to cough up more cash, Mr. Smarty Pants."

"Fine." Apollo dug through his pockets once more. "I get the car, and you get a quarter and... er..."

"Nothing. I keep the car. Now go away."

Apollo groaned. "What a nasty little boy!" he yelled across the room to the boy's mother, who was glancing nervously at the clock and chewing on her fingernails. "Ma'am, your son is hogging the coolest toy race car around!"

The mother looked fearful. With a scream, she ran out of the office and into the bathroom across the hall. Most people would probably notice something was off, but you all know Apollo...

"Your mom's a real nut job, huh?" Apollo said, deciding to play nice with the boy. It might win him a race car.

"No, not really."

"So, what are you in for?" Apollo said, changing the subject. "Me? I need to get along with my family more. Dr. Brown totally has the hots for me. You?"

"I killed a bunny with my bare hands."

"A- a bun..." Apollo looked nervously at the boy, and then went to sit across the room.

A few seconds later, Dr. Brown stepped into the waiting room. "Mr. Zeus and his circus troupe? Please enter the same room you were in last time. I'll be with you in a sec."

"Okay!" Zeus yelled, grabbin Hera by the arm and dragging her into the room, followed by the rest of the gods, Apollo sending nervous glances at the little boy behind him.

"Guys, _did you see that little boy_? I think he's gonna kill me!" Apollo cried.

Athena took a deep breath, preparing herself for a lecture she seemed to give quite often. "Apollo, that little boy is a mortal. You are IMMORTAL. A little boy can not kill you."

"Oh... right."

Just then, Dr. Brown walked in. "Hello, everyone! How have you been this last week?"

"Oh, get on with this crummy therapy crap!" Ares yelled. "I've got a fistfight in two hours!"

"Okay... then? Anyway, Mr. Zeus says that the second most problematic feud is the feud between Mr. Poseidon and Ms. Athena."

Poseidon grinned, flashing off his shiny white teeth, while Athena sank lower in her surprisingly comfortable chair.

"Er, Athena? We can still see you," Poseidon said with a smirk, reaching across an angry Aphrodite (who should really know not to sit in between these two after all this time) to poke the Wisdom Goddess in the arm. When she didn't respond, he poked her again. And again. And again.

Finally, Athena raised up her hands in protest. "You're ten years old, Poseidon, I swear to the gods! Will you ever mature?"

Poseidon continued poking her.

"You're officially eight years old," Athena grumbled.

Athena didn't seem to have anything else to add. Poseidon still continued to poke her. Aphrodite, rather sick of Poseidon's arm in her personal space, began to scratch at it with her manicured fingernails. He didn't budge. This went on for a few minutes, Dr. Brown simply staring at the two, occasionally making notes on her clipboard. Finally, Hermes couldn't take the boredom anymore.

"Er, Dr. Brown?"

"Yes, Mr. Hermes?"

"_Aren't you going to do something_?"

"Oh, right." Dr. Brown reached into her expensive-looking handbag and pulled out a few different board games. "Ms. Athena? Mr. Poseidon? Pl-"

"Hey, why'd you say _her_ name first?" Poseidon interrupted.

"It isn't the least bit important, Poseidon," Athena said in her _I'm-having-issues-controlling-my-anger-and-if-you-say-another-word-I-will-subject-you-to-three-hours-of-reading-textbooks _voice.

Dr. Brown sighed. "I've pulled out a few board games for the two of you to play. Play as you would if the two of you were alone; I'll just make some notes of your behavior on my clipboard and tell you how it relates to real life. All right, I've brought _Scrabble_ and _Sorry!_. We don't have time for the two of you to play both, so the other members of your circus group are going to vote for you. All right, show of hands- who wants Poseidon and Athena to play _Scrabble_?"

"I object!" Poseidon yelled. "We are _not_ playing _Scrabble_! Athena beats me at smarty games every time!"

"I beat you at everything, Poseidon," Athena said with a smirk.

Hades cleared his throat. "I say we vote out _Scrabble_ so that Mr. Poseidon doesn't destroy your therapy room. What do you say, Dr. Brown?"

"I suppose the room remaining in one piece would be nice," Dr. Brown mused. "Okay, _Sorry!_ it is."

Mumbling about how stupid this was, Poseidon and Athena got up and sat on the floor opposite each other. Dr. Brown put the board game between them. (A/N: I'm assuming you all know how to play the board game _Sorry!_, so please yell at me in a review if you get confused. I'll put in directions if enough people can't follow. It's a pretty straightforward game.)

"I call blue," Poseidon said, grabbing the four blue pawns and putting them in the _start_ space.

"And I shall suffice with green," Athena said.

Dr. Brown put the red and yellow pawns away and shuffled the cards. When she finished, she put the deck in the middle of the board.

"All right, who goes first?" Dr. Brown asked, knowing what was coming.

"Me!" Poseidon and Athena said at the same time.

"Just do rock-paper-scissors for it!" Hephaestus exclaimed.

"Best two out of three?" Athena offered.

"No, best one out of one!" Poseidon said.

"Two out of three!"

"One out of one!"

"Two out of three!"

"One out of one!"

"STOP!" Zeus yelled. "I'm getting a headache again, and I know there isn't a goddess in my head this time! Athena goes first, because she's less annoying and I like her more."

Poseidon and Athena began to argue, but Dr. Brown interrupted them. "Athena goes first. We'll make it up to you later, Poseidon."

"_Fine_," Poseidon said.

Athena drew a card. "Three."

Poseidon drew a card. "One."

Poseidon pulled one of his blue pawns out of the _start_ space.

Athena drew a card. "Four."

Poseidon drew a card. "Five."

Poseidon moved his pawn five spaces.

The game went on for a few minutes. Eventually Athena got near to her _home_ space with one of her green pawns.

Poseidon drew a card, smirking. "_Sorry!_"

Poseidon took his last blue pawn in the _start_ space and put it in the place Athena's pawn had been. He then put Athena's pawn back into her _start_ space.

"This game is _horrible_!" Athena yelled. "Poseidon, you are DEAD!"

Poseidon responded with some words I probably shouldn't repeat. Athena replied with some creative words that Poseidon hardly understood, but knew were insults.

"THAT'S IT!" Poseidon yelled, grabbing the board and throwing it across the room, where it landed into Demeter's bowl of Lucky Charms.

"Hey!" she yelled, causing flowers to spring from the ground and tie Poseidon to the floor. Poseidon, trying to walk to Demeter, tripped and fell next to Dionysus's sandal-donned feet. Flowers continued to tie Poseidon up until he couldn't move an inch.

Athena, who was a bit of a sore loser, picked up all four of her pawns and slid them to her _home_ space. "I win!" she exclaimed.

Poseidon threw a few more curse words at Athena.

"Stop it, stop it, stop it!" yelled Dr. Brown. "We're almost out of time! We need to discuss what your behavior during the game means!"

Everyone stopped after a few seconds.

"Okay," Dr. Brown began. "Athena, you are used to getting your way and being better than Poseidon. When he does beat you, you get angry and can't handle it. You two need to do some bonding time. Make sure it's just the two of you, and not the least bit related to any competition. Poseidon, you need to be easier on Athena. Stop being so annoying! You two could be good friends if you'd settle your differences."

"No, we couldn't!" Poseidon yelled. "We're sworn enemies!"

"Maybe now... but who says you'll always be?" Dr. Brown said. "Okay, our time is up for today. I'll see you all next week, yes?" Poseidon and Athena, please spend four full hours together before our next session. You might even find something in common!"

Everyone in the room besides Dr. Brown _kinda _doubted that.

At the same time, two teenage boys walked up to the front desk. The first, a black-haired, green-eyed boy, began to speak. "Nico, tell me again why you're spending your time away from the Underworld getting a job? With _me_?"

The second boy, Nico, shrugged. "Dad's been subjected to 'Family Bonding Time' by Zeus, and I need money. Since you do too and this is the only half-decent place hiring, I figured we could apply. What's the big deal?"

"I dunno," the first boy, Percy, said. "It's just that I wanted to work at the ice cream place. I don't wanna work with a bunch of crazies. Reminds me too much of camp, not that camp's not awesome, but you can only take so much of it."

"Whatever. I'm sure we won't do too much anyway, just file papers and stuff. New York's a big place. _No one we know will see us here_."

A/N: Except your dads, who are both in therapy with the rest of the gods... Yeah. Now that I'm thinking, should I write Poseidon and Athena spending time together, or should I just leave it up to your imaginations?


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I do not own PJO. Don't really have anything else to add.

**IMPORTANT NOTICE!: Okay, this is the chapter with Poseidon and Athena's bonding time. It isn't important to the plot, so if you'd like to skip this one and wait for the next chapter, you won't miss anything. Think of this chapter as a deleted scene of sorts. Chapter Five will be about Demeter vs Hades, and I've already gotten a decent part of it written. As always, I'm amazed by the response I've been getting with this story. Thank you all for being so awesome! Now, I'll shut up. On with the chapter.**

The Olympians Attend Group Therapy

Chapter Four/ Deleted Scene/ Special Feature

"Well, now what?" Poseidon wondered aloud right after Dr. Brown left.

"Go do what she said!" Zeus exclaimed, trying to disguise his amusement but failing miserably. "Go spend some time with Athena!"

The other gods, trying hard not to laugh, agreed.

"Wait... NOW?" yelled Athena.

"_YES_," Hermes said.

"When else?" added Hephaestus.

"Exactly! Go to a movie... Ooh, go to that romantic comedy that just came out! Eat popcorn, have a good time..." Aphrodite said dreamily.

"A _romantic_ comedy? No; Poseidon, we're going to see that foreign film at that theater around the corner," said Athena.

"No way! I'm not letting you drag me to some movie entirely in a language I don't get! We're seeing that adventure movie, with the giant squid!" Poseidon yelled. "I love giant squids."

"Quit it, both of you! Compromise or something, and spend an _entire_ four hours together! I'm not going to keep attending these therapy sessions if they're for nothing!" said Artemis.

"How about you just see that G-rated movie that's playing?" offered Apollo. "Neither of you like that crap, so you _both_ lose. Dr. Brown said no competition, remember? Now, I gotta fly. The sun doesn't set itself." Apollo left the therapy room, followed by every god save for Poseidon and Athena.

"So... what's that G-rated film named?" Athena asked.

"_Bunnies in the Garden_. I'm never going to make it out of this alive."

"For once, Poseidon, I agree with you. But I suppose we have no choice."

Some time later, Poseidon and Athena entered the movie theater. Athena went to buy the tickets, while Poseidon got distracted at the door. After Athena managed to swallow her pride (which took a few minutes) and asked the teenager for "two tickets for _Bunnies in the Garden_, please", she noticed Poseidon was missing. She quickly saw him across the room, talking to a twenty-something young woman. Rolling her eyes, Athena marched over to him and grinned. "Poseidon, dear, we're going to be late for our movie! You know, _Bunnies in the Garden_?" Snickering, the young woman quickly walked away.

"Hey, what was that for?" Poseidon exclaimed. "She was _hot_."

"Poseidon, I truly do not care. Are we getting food, or are we going straight to the movie?"

"Well, I've never been the _biggest_ fan of mortal snacks, but I suppose I'm gonna want something to do during this crap movie."

Nodding in agreement, Athena walked up to the concessions. "What would you like?" the kid running the concessions asked.

"Er... six large buckets of popcorn, buttered, and three monster-size frozen cokes," Poseidon said. The kid's eyes bulged and Athena glared at Poseidon.

"_What_? I'm hungry, and mortal food's so small," Poseidon complained.

"Will that... be all?" asked the employee.

"Yes, I believe so. I'm not hungry," Athena snapped.

"Okay... that'll be sixty-three dollars."

Poseidon dug through his wallet. "Hey, Athena? I'm out of mortal money. Think you could lend me some?"

Athena's godly hands balled up into fists. "You'll never pay me back!"

"Oh, complain to your daddy later. I'll let you have some popcorn..."

Wanting to argue more, Athena opened her mouth but realized if she and Poseidon started yelling at each other, they would never stop. Sighing, she reached into her pocket and pulled out the money. Then, the two stepped out of the way to wait for Poseidon's food.

"Er... Poseidon?" Athena asked, watching as the kid working the concessions began to fill the fourth tub of popcorn. "How are you going to carry all of this?"

"Easy! I'll just levitate the stuff I can't carry, have it float in front of us, and-"

"We. Are. In. A. Mortal. Theater."

"I'm sure the Mist will make it look normal," Poseidon said.

"What would the Mist disguise floating tubs of popcorn as? Bluebirds? I say we try a different approach."

"...Oh. Athena, would you help me-"

"No."

"Athena, I can't carry this all on my own!"

"You're going to have to make a few trips, aren't you?"

By this time, the popcorn and drinks were ready. "Please help me, Athena! Please? Please? Please? Please? Please?"

"You are the most annoying person I've ever spoken to! You're making a huge scene, and we're going to be late for the movie! _Fine_, _I'll help you carry the food_!"

Poseidon stopped his begging. "Thanks!" he replied.

"We still can't carry it all on our own, though. Six buckets of popcorn, Poseidon? _Really_?"

"Just... like... take three and stack them, okay? I'll take the three frozen cokes."

Athena took a deep breath. "Judging by the laws of physics, Poseidon, those buckets are filled and are not going to stack. We'll spill them all."

"Oh, the laws of physics are a bunch of nonsense!"

"Excuse me?" asked a movie employee. "Do you two need some help here?"

"Yes, we do. We can't carry all of our snacks. Could you get some people to assist us?" Athena asked through gritted teeth.

"Of course!" the employee said, leaving and returning with three other employees to help carry the popcorn and drinks.

"Okay, where are you two headed?" the employee asked.

"Er... _Bunnies in the Garden_," Athena said as quietly as she could.

The employees led Poseidon and Athena to the theater that was playing _Bunnies in the Garden_. The two gods figured out where they wanted to sit, and the employees put the popcorn in seperate seats and left. The movie was going to start in about five minutes.

"Poseidon, this theater is filled with _children_," Athena hissed. The two had put four seats between them to put Poseidon's popcorn.

"Mrrh? Wuh dunn yur childruhn rug ruh, if dese duh?" Poseidon asked through a mouthful of popcorn.

"_What_?"

"Why don't your children bug you, if these ones do?" he repeated after swallowing.

"Because they're children of _Athena_; as in, they're intelligent. Even at five, my children would never have stood for such an idiotic film."

"Suck it up, Owl Head. What age group were you expecting in here? The movie's about to start and you're taking my attention away from my popcorn."

Athena made a loud, exasperated noise. A little boy in the row ahead of them turned around at the sound of it, looked at Athena, and smiled.

"You're really pretty," he said with a smile.

"Tell that to Paris of Troy," muttered Athena.

A couple seconds later, the movie began. The story was about a family of bunnies living in a magical garden (... Hence the name?). There was hardly a plot, and Athena was gripping the seats and biting her tongue to keep herself from making any commentary. Poseidon was no longer paying attention to the film and had decided to send spitballs at the other people in the theater with his straw and wrapper.

"Stop that!" Athena whispered.

"I'm _bored_!" he replied.

_The daughter of the Head Rabbit had found a park outside of the garden and was having an adventure with a neighboring squirrel._

Athena clutched the seat a bit tighter.

Poseidon ate popcorn.

_The Head Rabbit found out about his daughter's new friendship and invited the squirrel, named Squirrelette, to come over for dinner._

Athena fought the urge to gag.

Poseidon ate popcorn.

_Dinner was a wonderful affair. Squirrelette and the Head Rabbit's daughter, Bunnita, told stories the entire time._

Athena repeatedly banged her head on the back of her seat.

Poseidon ate popcorn.

_It rained in the magical garden. Bunnita and Squirrellette went out to play._

Athena _continued_ to repeatedly bang her head on the back of the seat.

Poseidon finished his popcorn.

"Athena, I'm out of popcorn!" he hissed across the row.

"Go get some more!"

"I'm out of money, remember?"

A lady in front of them turned around. "Could you please be quiet? My daughter's having problems hearing the movie."

Athena tossed Poseidon her wallet. "Don't spend too much."

He smirked. "Okay."

_Bunnita and Squirrellette played in the rain until the rain stopped. The Head Rabbitt brought out towels and chocolate milk._

Athena fought the urge to scream.

_Bunnita and Squirrellette dried off and finished their chocolate milk. They then played tag. Squirrellette accidentally ran too far and left the magical garden. Bunnita warned her to come back. Squirrellette ran back._

Athena wished she had brought her loom... TO THROW IT AT THE MOVIE SCREEN.

Poseidon returned with two large buckets of popcorn.

"By the gods, this isn't over yet?" Poseidon said. "How are you holding up, Athena?"

Athena turned to Poseidon, but didn't say anything. From the light the movie gave off, Poseidon could see her clearly enough. Did her eye just twitch...?

Twenty minutes later, the movie finally ended. Poseidon watched everyone else leave, and then put an empty popcorn bucket on Athena's head. Athena seemed too traumatized by the movie to notice. "That was the worse movie I've ever seen," he said with a laugh. "Well, we've got an hour and a half left of our sentence. What do you want to do?"

Athena sighed. "Not a movie. Never again."

"No, definitely not. It's about eight right now. Do you wanna grab a bite to eat, and call it a night?"

"I suppose that would be all right. It couldn't be any worse than this."

Poseidon nodded. "Well, _I_ wanna go to the seafood place, but I'm pretty sure you're going to drag me to some French restaurant. Just keep me from ordering snails this time, okay?"

Athena rolled her eyes. "That was two hundred years ago, and it was ridiculous. Everyone knows what _escargot_ means. Besides, they're a delicacy."

Poseidon snorted.

"Let's go," Athena said, standing up and walking down the aisle, about to step out of the theater.

"Er, Athena?"

"Yes, Poseidon?"

"Aren't you going to take that popcorn bucket off your head?"

"POSEIDON!"

The two gods walked out of the movie theater and teleported to Athena's favorite mortal French restaurant.

"I'm sorry, but we're full," the waiter at the door said. "You'll probably want to eat somewhere else."

Poseidon grinned. "Seafood place?"

"Fine," Athena said with a sigh.

And the two gods fufilled the last bit of their sentence, Poseidon managing to eat Athena out of every last bit of mortal money on her person. Will they get along better in the future? Well, that's for you to decide... or not.


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: If I owned PJO, I'd have a lot of money, right? Well, that's proof right there- I have no money, therefore I don't own PJO.

A/N: Sorry for taking so long! Between a four-day long power outage and high school starting in eight days, I've been kind of busy. As always, I love you all. This chapter's going to be **Demeter vs Hades**, as that won the poll. I've got a pretty good idea of what you all want next, so I'm not going to put up any more polls.

The Olympians Attend Group Therapy

Chapter Five

"So, how was your bonding time?" Apollo asked Athena and Poseidon a week later in the waiting room.

"Absolutely horrible-"

"Movie was awful-"

"-Poseidon owes me four hundred dollars because of all the seafood and popcorn he ate-"

"-Athena threw shrimp in my lap at the restaurant-"

"-Poseidon embarrassed me-"

"-Athena wouldn't let me shoot spit balls-"

"Okay, okay!" yelled Apollo. "I don't need all the gory details. Anyways, The Lil' Sis is Huntering with her hot Hunters, but she told me she should be here in a couple minutes. I think she's the only one not here yet..."

Aphrodite looked up from her compact mirror. "Yeah, I think so."

At that minute, Artemis walked in, looking slightly frazzled. Her day only got worse when she realized that the only seat remaining in the waiting room was next to her brother. Groaning, she sat down with an audible sigh and pulled out a copy of _Archery Weekly_.

"Hey, Lil' Sis!" Apollo yelled, receiving a "_Shush_!" from some nameless lady across the room.

"Don't call me that, Apollo! And quiet down," she hissed in response.

"We were just talkin' about you. You know, you don't look too good, Baby Sister. Hard day with your attractive, hot Hunters?"

"Don't you have a toy car to play with?" Artemis said.

"Nah, that was _so_ last week."

Artemis rolled her eyes and continued to read her magazine, ignoring Apollo when he got bored and decided to wave his hand in front of her face.

Hera looked up from her copy of _How to Have a Happy Marriage When Your Husband is a Lying, Cheating Womanizer_ to roll her eyes at Apollo.

"All right, is everyone ready?" asked Dr. Brown, finally emerging from her office.

The Olympians got up and entered their therapy room.

"So, Poseidon and Athena, how was your bonding time?" she asked after everyone sat down. "Do you feel any better about each other?"

"No," Athena said.

"Not really," Poseidon admitted.

"Well, you will in time!" replied the ever-enthusiastic therapist. "Now, we're here today to work on the issues between Ms. Demeter and Mr. Hades."

Demeter looked up from her _Special K_ cereal and groaned. Hades sighed loudly.

"Now, would the two of you like to start with a background story on how it all started?"

"Okay," Demeter grumbled. "Well, it all started when Hades fell in love with my darling daughter, Persephone."

"And... you didn't like that?" Dr. Brown asked.

"Of course I didn't! Hades is an idiot-"

"Hey!"

"-and he can't provide for her the way someone else could!"

"That sounds like you don't like Hades very much," Dr. Brown noted.

"Of course I don't!" exclaimed Demeter. "How thick are you? Anyway, he _kidnapped_ Persephone, and refused to let her go."

"You make me sound like the bad guy!" Hades yelled. "I see a woman I want to kidnap, so I kidnap her! What's the big deal?"

"_The big deal _is that you can't just do that! Anyway, she's now forced to divide her time between The Underworld... I mean, Hades's house... and myself! It's just unfair."

"Let me get this straight," Dr. Brown said. "You, Demeter, don't like the man your daughter married. Why do you think this is, Hades?"

"Er... she's mean?"

"Dig deep, Hades. It's not your fault that you love her daughter. Demeter, are you sure it's Hades you're mad at? I see cases like this all the time, and most of the time the mothers just don't want to let their daughters go."

Demeter stood quickly, forgetting about the cereal in her lap. It spilled onto Dr. Brown's carpet, but no one really noticed. "I'd be just fine if she had married the god of doctors or the god of lawyers! Someone that's faithful, at the very least!"

"Okay, I think I've got a good grip on this problem," Dr. Brown said, looking up from her clipboard. "I've got a few things I want the two of you to do together."

"Not another board game!" Demeter groaned. "If it's a board game, can it at least be _Farmville_?"

"Demeter, that isn't a board game! You spend too much time on Facebook," said Hades.

"I want you to play a little game. It's fun and it may help you two understand each other better," Dr. Brown continued. "Hades says a word, and Demeter continues with another word off that one. You go back and forth until you make a story."

"How is that going to help anything?" Hades asked.

"Just trust me. Hades, you go first."

"My," Hades began.

"Cereal," Demeter continued.

"Likes."

"To."

"Jump."

"Because."

"It."

"Is."

"Fun."

"And."

"My."

"Cereal."

"Is."

"Training."

"For."

"The."

"Olympics."

"This is useless!" exclaimed Demeter. "I still hate Hades! He doesn't even let her have cereal at his palace, you know. It just isn't right!"

"Get your head out of your stupid cereal!" yelled Hades.

Far, far away, a healthy flower garden suddenly withered and died. But that's hardly relevant.

Dr. Brown sighed. "Your circus troupe really is messed up, isn't it?"

Zeus rolled his eyes. "Kind of why we're here, lady!"

"...Right. Okay, Demeter and Hades, you need to learn to understrand each other. Hey, you've already got one thing in common! You both love Persephone, right?"

Demeter and Hades slowly looked to each other.

"And you both want what's best for her. Why don't you two build off that?"

The two gods shrugged.

Dr. Brown smiled, as if her work was complete. "All right. I know that was a short session, but I'll give you a discount, all right? I've got two new employees to train. One of them _already_ broke the fax machine. Demeter and Hades- work it out; give each other a chance. I'll be seeing Mrs. Hera and Mr. Zeus privately next week, correct?"

"Yeah," Zeus said, looking to the floor. Hera grinned.

"Oh, Zeusy! She might finally knock some sense into you!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Two rooms away, Percy groaned. "Dang it! I almost thought I fixed the fax machine! Nico, did you _have_ to sit on it?"

Nico rolled his eyed. "Brown's working us like dogs! I couldn't help it."

At that moment, Dr. Brown walked in. "How's it coming, boys?"

Percy shrugged. "It's okay. Hey, you look pretty tired..."

She sighed. "I've been dealing with this circus troupe for a few weeks. They're a nightmare, even by a therapist's standards! Anyway, I've got a guy coming in an hour to see if he can fix the machine; it's coming out of your paycheck, Nico."

"Yes, Dr. Brown."

"Now I better prep for next week. Mrs. Hera and Mr. Zeus are coming in for marriage counseling. I have a feeling my office isn't going to look the same after they leave."

As Dr. Brown turned to leave, Percy and Nico looked to each other in horror.

"Wait... _Hera and Zeus_?"

A/N: Not my best work, but I figured it wasn't nice of me to leave you hanging for too long. Anyway, I just wanted to thank everyone for the support... again. Thanks!


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